At the Center for Healthy Sex Our Services Start At Signs of Sexual Addiction and Sex Problems for Sexual Addiction Recovery, Sexual Health, and Sexual Therapy
Group Therapy for Sex Addicts
Group therapy is acknowledged as the most effective form of treatment for sex addicts. At CHS, group therapy is led by a sex addiction therapist whose goal is to facilitate frank discussions around sexual, relationship and life issues. Group therapy consists of a two hour session once a week with an addiction specialist plus six or seven other group members who serve as a healthy sounding board for individual sex addiction problems.
Sex addiction group therapy focuses on shame reduction, maintaining sexual sobriety through high levels of accountability, the value of honesty, being congruent in all areas of life, and expressing feelings. Group therapy helps the recovery process so sexual addicts are no longer overwhelmed by their feelings of powerlessness that plague their thoughts and behaviors.
Group therapy for sexual addicts aids in creating intimate bonds by encouraging group members to have explicit conversations about their sexuality, body image, relationships, and life struggles.
However, therapy for sexual addicts is not just about treating the addict. Center for Healthy Sex also has group treatment programs for partners/spouses as well.
The anticipated result? In an environment that supports sexual sobriety, integrates, normalizes and celebrates eroticism, sexual health can unfold.
Recovery from sexual addiction, as with other behavioral addictions, is different from recovery from substance addictions like alcoholism and drug addiction, in that sexual addicts do not need to become completely celibate from sex to recovery from their sexual addiction. It is not the sex in and of itself that is the issue, rather it is the different ways that sex is used that causes the problems. Or put another way, sex is a problem if it causes problems; if one feels out of control and is powerless over their behavior and if the sex leads to feelings of demoralization.
In recovery, sexual addicts develop a three-part sexual sobriety plan that is used as a guide through recovery and helps gain clarity. It assists in determining which behaviors are compulsive and destructive, which behaviors are triggers leading to those behaviors and it shows which behaviors positive and foster healthy sex. Sexual sobriety plans are unique to each recovering sex addict.
Sexual addicts in recovery reach out to other sexual addicts and share their program with one another as part of a balanced recovery program. Without clarity an addict can continue to act out sexually, because it is easy to become confused about what sobriety is. Obtaining and maintaining abstinence from one’s bottom-line compulsions is the bedrock foundation for personal growth in recovery.
Each sex addict identifies which sexual behaviors they are powerless over and lead to feelings of demoralization. These are the bottom-line compulsions and addictive behaviors that are abstained from. Each addict has his or her own specific set of compulsions and "triggers" from which it is necessary to abstain from as well. However, there are sexual behaviors that are acceptable or even experienced with a sense of gratitude and enjoyment. Therefore, each individual has the dignity to choose his or her own concept of healthy sexuality.
Sexual Health
Healthy sex is relational sex, where partners are aware of and respect each other’s vulnerabilities. For this to occur, each partner must be willing to be vulnerable and willing develop an awareness of and communicate their boundaries and motivations to their partner. Communication is essential to healthy sex. Healthy sex between partners does not exploit the other person’s weaknesses and/or past trauma. Before, during and after relational sex, feelings are shared and the experience of healthy sex fosters a deepening of the relationship; Spirituality, self-worth and sexual joy are all enriched as a result of a genuinely shared sexual experience.
In unhealthy relationships there are barriers instead of intimacy, where people are often fearful of self-disclosure. These barriers between partners:
- Indicates distrust
- Lowers self-worth
- Builds defensiveness
- Increases isolation within the relationship
- Denies personal responsibility
- Prevents efforts to work on common problems
- Intensifies an addictive system
In healthy relationships, intimacy is possible when people accept the risk of rejection and reveal their internal struggles. Self-disclosure between partners:
- Indicates trust
- Builds self-worth
- Affirms the other person
- Increases connectedness within the relationship
- Takes responsibility for one’s own actions and feelings
- Shares common problems
- Interrupts unhealthy behaviors
A healthy relationship is not based on obsessions and compulsions; it does not thrive on positive and negative intensity. In healthy relationships, you are able to nurture others in a way that promotes responsibility for themselves, thereby increasing their self-esteem. When you love yourself, you are able to nurture yourself, focus on your own emotional and spiritual growth, and take responsibility for yourself, thereby increasing your own sense of self-esteem. When one partner is asked for acts of intimacy or support by the other, each person can say yes or no in a healthy way, without either partner being diminished. The self-esteem of each individual blossoms when nurtured within a healthy relationship.
Distinguishing Healthy Sex from Unhealthy Sex
Sexual expression can be healthy across a wide range of activities. Distinguishing healthy sex from unhealthy sex (such as sexual addiction and sexual anorexia) depends more on the person's motivation and the consequences of the behavior than on the actual sexual behavior. Similar to eating disorders, sexual disorders can manifest as both sexual aversion (anorexia) and sexual addiction (compulsion). At one end of the continuum is sexual anorexia, which is compulsive sexual disengagement or aversion. This is essentially sexual starvation. At the other end is sexual addiction, which is compulsive sexual engagement. Both aversion and compulsion are non-relational manifestations of an intimacy problem, underpinned by a fear of emotional injury and abandonment.
The sexual anorexic is terrified of sexual experiences and will go to tremendous lengths to control, limit or avoid sex altogether. For this person, sex has been targeted as the source of their pain and is to be tempered in spite of personal and relational costs. The sexual addict, on the other hand, is charged by sexual experiences and will go to tremendous lengths to sex provides engage in sexual behavior. For this person, relief from their pain and is to be engaged in regardless of personal and relational costs. Addictive sexuality and sexual aversion are like most other compulsive behaviors: a destructive twist on a normal life-enhancing activity. Both behaviors erode self-worth and lead to sexual despair, although both compulsions were functional in the early stages of their development. This is because the behavior not only alleviates pain, but also serves to protect the individual from further hurt and abandonment, which was experienced at an earlier time in their life.
As the sexual anorexic and sexual addict recover from their respective compulsive activities, healthy sexual behavior is introduced through guidelines delineating healthy from unhealthy, with a designated "gray area" in between, meaning those activities that are either questionable or simply neutral. By redirecting sexual behavior, the anorexic and addict are challenged to confront their fears of intimacy, to step outside their comfort zone and experience healthy relational sex. Healthy relational sex can be a powerful vehicle to personal growth, sharing feelings, increasing self-esteem and healing from the hurt and abandonment the anorexic and addict experienced earlier in life.
(partially excerpted from Pia Melody, "Facing Love Addiction")
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