At the Center for Healthy Sex Our Services Start At Signs of Sexual Addiction and Sex Problems for Sexual Addiction Recovery, Sexual Health, and Sexual Therapy

Love Addiction Treatment

Love addiction is best described as the repeated, compulsive seeking of a relationship or romantic experience despite negative social, psychological and/or physical consequences.

It can mean loving someone who is totally unavailable or obsessing about a potential mate. Some love addicts get caught in toxic relationships or exhibit a love addiction codependency. Love addiction and codependency often go hand in hand as love addicts will do anything to take care of their partners – in the form of enabling, rescuing, caretaking – in hopes that they will not abandon them.

Or put another way, according to Pia Mellody, author of "Facing Love Addiction," a love addict is someone who is dependent on, enmeshed with, and compulsively focused on another person. There is an obsession and they will go through life with unrealistic hopes for love that are fueled by underlying fears of abandonment, rejection and pain. With love probably their least familiar real experience, a love addict has the need to control the relationship. Often confusing sex for love, they will use sex to manipulate the relationship or they will use it as an exchange for feeling loved.
Love addicts allocate an unbalanced amount of time, attention and value to the person that they are addicted to (i.e., their "qualifier"), and this focus usually has an obsessive quality.

Love addicts have unrealistic expectations for feeling love, which is experienced in the following ways:
as consuming and obsessive;
as inhibited;
as avoiding risk or change;
as lacking true intimacy;
as manipulative and dependent;
as demanding the loved one's devotion.

While they are in or recovering from an addictive relationship, love addicts will tend to neglect to care for themselves, placing the importance of the relationship over themselves. (read more)

The outcome of love addiction therapy is a better understanding of oneself, higher self esteem and a healthier love connection with others. Through the diligent help of our love addiction specialists and a commitment to alter behaviors, recovery from love addiction is possible.

For more information, contact specialist Aaron Alan: aaron@thecenterforhealthysex.com

Group Therapy for Sexual Addicts

Love Addiction Treatment

Love addiction manifests in a person’s life when they become dependent on the object of their love. Whereas sex addicts are addicted to the "high" of being aroused, love addicts are addicted to the "high" of feeling in love. Their love addiction can take the form of putting others needs before their own well-being, trying to control others so that they can get their needs met, often at the other's expense.

A key way to identify dependent love is how the person feels when the other shows disapproval. In love addiction, when the love object threatens to leave, either physically or psychologically, desperate behaviors tend to escalate. Dependent love is always self-serving and a way to avoid looking more deeply at oneself.

The excitement most people feel when they meet a person they are romantically interested in is a normal part of the bonding experience. However, a love addict pushes this excitement to euphoric levels by engaging in compulsive fantasy, imagining ideal love, feeling instant closeness and a complete connection. This euphoria is the "drug of choice" for the love addict. This is their high; which is commonly accompanied by poor decision making because love addicts believe relationships to be closer and more meaningful, particularly in their beginning stages, than they actually are.

As a result, love addicts may commit to a relationship much sooner and more intensely than that relationship can in reality tolerate. This leads to engaging in behaviors that are too early and inappropriate for the relationship, such as having sex, moving in together, committing to partnership or marriage, and commingling money, to name a few. These developments frequently lead to problems in the relationship, which the love addict has difficulty attributing as a result of their own poor boundaries and decisions. The problem is either externalized and blamed on the shortcomings of their partner (i.e. "it’s his/her fault, not mine") or all the blame is assumed as it is internalized and attributed to their own worthiness (i.e., "if I were a better lover, then this wouldn’t have happened," etc.). Either way, the actual problem is never addressed and the cycle is eventually repeated.

Overcoming love addiction includes looking at obsessive tendencies and the addiction to fantasy as a way to avoid pain and past hurts with a compassionate love addiction therapist. Through an extensive sexual/relational history, pains of the past and traumatic relationships are identified and explored. As part of the love addiction treatment, boundary plans are constructed to clearly identify the persons and places that lead to and encourage destructive behaviors and relationships. Through our love addiction support groups, healthy coping mechanisms are identified and put into place for support as well as learning essential self-care habits, including how to self-soothe and stay in the present.

The outcome of our love addiction therapy? A better understanding of oneself, a higher self esteem and a healthier love connection with others. Through the diligent help of our love addiction specialists and a commitment to alter behaviors, recovery from love addiction is possible.

Wondering if you are love addicted? Take a Love Addiction Screening Test

What is Sex Addiction?

Alexandra Katehakis, sex addiction expert from Center for Healthy Sex, defines sexual addiction. watch video

Looking for Help?

For more information about sex addiction therapy or to schedule an initial assessment, click here or call 310.843.9902

Looking for Help?

For individuals to establish sobriety and return home with a high rate of post-intervention success. learn more

Sexual Dysfunction

Sexual dysfunction refers to any sexual problem that prevents an individual or couple from experiencing the kind of satisfaction they would like from the sexual activities they engage in. These problems usually occur during what experts call the sexual response cycle which includes the excitement (or sexual arousal), plateau, orgasm and resolution phases.

According to estimates, sexual dysfunction occurs in 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men meaning they report some sexually difficulty or dissatisfaction. People are often afraid or hesitant to discuss these issues yet most instances of sexual dysfunction are treatable. Sharing your concerns with your partner and/or a professional is the first step to healing your problem.

Sexual dysfunction can take the form of dissatisfaction with orgasm, erectile difficulties, lack of sexual desire, pain during intercourse, performance anxiety, anorgasmia, (inability to achieve orgasm) premature ejaculation, and fear of intimacy to name a few. In other words, any problem that renders a person feeling less then satisfied with their sexual life that is not a medical problem, can be addressed in sex therapy.

Sexual dysfunction may be caused by physical and/or medical conditions. These conditions include but are not limited to heart and vascular (blood vessel) disease, neurological disorders, diabetes, obesity, hormonal imbalances, chronic diseases, alcoholism, and/or drug abuse. It is also important to remember that many medications have sexual side-effects such as antidepressants drugs. If you have any medical conditions, you should consult your medical doctor before consulting a sex therapist.

Sexual functioning can also become dysfunctional due to psychological stress and anxiety related to work, martial/relationship problems, sexual performance, depression, feelings of guilt, and past sexual trauma. When related to psychological issues, in most cases, sexual dysfunction can be successfully treated.

Low Sexual Desire

Many people, young and old alike, have low sexual desire and it can affect their relationships. Low sexual desire can be distressing to some leading them to seek sex therapy.

Oftentimes, pre-menopausal women or menopausal women will participate in sexual activity less often including initiating sex and having intercourse and may report experiencing orgasm and general sexual pleasure less often than they once did. In other cases, post-menopausal women report having the best sex of their lives because they feel more sexually secure about who they are.

Men may experience low sexual desire due to health concerns, hormonal problems (like low testosterone) or relationship issues. Additionally, many people simply get out of the habit of having sex and are still operating under old ideas that sex is a natural "drive" vs. a cultivated desire for pleasure and connection with oneself and a significant other.

Low sexual desire can come in the form of a person never having felt much sexual desire or interest or in the form of having felt sexual desire, but no longer does. The extreme form of low sexual desire is called sexual aversion, meaning the person lacks sexual desire and finds sex repulsive.

It is very common for partners in a relationship to have different levels of sexual interest with one partner being the "low desire partner" and the other being the "high desire partner." Many times, people become "grid-locked" over these differences leading to power struggles, which exacerbate the problem. Although the two partners have different sexual interest levels, this can be negotiated and resolved in sex therapy.

Sexual Potential

Many normal couples in long-term relationships report sexual boredom and feeling a lack of interest in sex. Often this is the case because people forget that they, and their relationships, are dynamic, ever-changing systems. By reassessing who you are sexually, what you like and want, what you hold back from letting yourself and your partner know; you can begin to work toward your sexual potential. By opening yourself to clearing past resentments and revealing your sexual preferences to your partner, you create a deeper emotional connection that is often not easy, but worth the intimate, electric connection that results in the end.